We saw Iron Man 2 last night. It was what we expected. It did an adequate job of distracting me from the problems of our crumbling society, our failing republic, the general existential dread that permeates all thinking creatures as cat urine permeates a mattress.

I have difficulty getting excited about movies any more. When I was a kid, special effects seemed genuinely new and interesting. I remember being amazed at Terminator 2’s effects, thinking how they changed my world, blew my mind. Now they are expected. They are distracting. They are annoying. We have so many special effects-driven blockbusters every year that they become meaningless; regardless of their actual quality, one fades into another. I barely remember Dark Knight. I know that it was better than Iron Man, but who can tell these things apart anymore? I have to make room in my memory for Iron Man 2, for 2012, for Robin Hood, for Avatar, for the next goddamn forgettable action-blast that nonetheless cost $200 million to make. How freaking disposable is our pop culture?

That said, Scarlet Johansson is - so hot. It was a bad idea to put her next to Gwyneth Paltrow and ask us to be attracted to Gwyneth Paltrow.

I also have trouble getting excited over movies because they are a mere two hours long. I don’t understand people who devour trailers, who talk or write excitedly about seeing [Whatever] because it will a two-hour experience. You see it and are done. You honestly don’t need to see Iron Man 2 twice. If you need to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Subtitle more than once to unpack all its subtleties, then you, sir, are an imbecile. I don’t even feel like I need to see Dark Knight twice, and it’s the densest, most cerebral summer movie we’ve had in years.

Movies are probably the most short-lived form of entertainment we have. They cost so much more to produce and take so much less time to consume than books, TV shows, video games. You pay your seven to nine bucks and see Iron Man laser-blasting robots for a little while, and you are done. It is hard to say that the experience lingers in one’s mind.

Structure structure structure structure. You can bet that there will be an initial battle where our heroes learn the nature of the enemies or their powers or whatever. Then there will be a bigger battle. The heroes will appear to be doing pretty well, but the bad guys will turn the tables and appear to be able to snatch victory from the heroes at just the last minute. It has to look like the heroes could lose at any moment, though you knew all along that they’re going to win. The same story, interchange the suit of armor or pirates or Hulk or whatever. I am bored bored bored. I want to see Iron Man succumb to alcoholism, real messy alcoholism that alienates Pepper Potts and wrecks his car. I want to see Jack Sparrow dragged to hell. I want to see the Hulk try to kill himself to free himself from his nightmare, but fail due to his invulnerability - and that failure makes him so angry that he hulks out and bites Betty in half. I want to see Spider-man forced to abort the abomination in Mary Jane’s womb - with punching. This sadism isn’t born from any misguided 80s-inspired belief that darker = deeper. It is because summer movies have made me so fucking numb that only brutal lacerations of the spirit can get me into the theatre anymore. I am sick of protagonists. I want victims and monsters.

(But I don’t want to see horror movies. Those are just awful.)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 11th, 2010 at 12:18 pm and is filed under Anomalous. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.